~SIMPLY, BECAUSE I LOVED YOU ONCE!!

 

When they leave you, people ask you if you miss them. they want to ask you the cause of this sudden change, they ask you if you are ready to date again, they ask about anything & everything & tell you that one day you will forget them completely & move on. you sit there & wonder if its true, if its possible to forget everything about someone you loved once. these days, I find myself checking the scores of the volleyball match often. I have never been supportive & yet, I learned to enjoy watching volleyball with you. before I knew it, I was already sitting alone watching a tournament in a stadium & cheering up our favorite team. I prepare coffee the same way you taught me & I still recall some words of your mother tongue when I find someone speaking the same language as you. I almost become too excited when somebody is from your hometown. I ask them about the places you showed me pictures of & they look at me with amazement & ask if I am from their city. I tell them about the best spot to watch the sunrise from & the thrift shop that you often visited.

I must have loved you too much to remember it all, I think to myself.

There are songs in my playlist that only you introduced me to & I have never known about Rembrandt before meeting you but now i have his paintings hung up on my bedroom wall. my father asked me yesterday which car he should buy & suddenly I was using a jargon that i myself don't recognize. I think I think you have infiltrated me deep within, when I sleep I remember the feeling of your warm body against mine. I laugh remembering how you snored & then woke up suddenly because of you own voice. sometimes if I imagine it all too much, I can still feel your breath mingling with mine. I go to piano concerts often & wonder what you'd say if you heard that piece. 

Its painfully beautiful to enjoy these things even when you are not with me anymore. its as if a part of you has remained with me, if you couldn't bring yourself to separate yourself entirely. I wonder if its the same for you, I wonder if I have left chunk of me with you, too.

When i tell people about this, they ask if I think about you often. what they don't understand is that I have known you soo well that you have become a part of mine, that I have become a little like you without even noticing. so when they say again "you will completely forget them one day", I look at the huge pile of the vinyl records lying under my bookshelf & smile.

I don't think its possible to forget everything about you. 

Why, you ask?

-SIMPLY BECAUSE I LOVED YOU ONCE!