WAYS OF HEALING !!!

 The ground under your feet was broken, your heart was hurting & it seemed like you will never grow out of it. you tell yourself that pain remains forever & the scars that they leave will always come to haunt you. you tell yourself that nothing ever really changes & you find comfort in those words because you are too afraid to be disappointed again, A few months pass & it's summer already. you find yourself in your mother's home eating tomato bruschetta for breakfast & your mother looks at you in surprise & says "you hated tomato with a burning desire. I was surprised & when you asked this for breakfast", & you chuckle & wonder If you really hated it. when you go out for a walk, you think about all the things you liked & disliked. you remember how your knees aches when your father took you for cycling on the hills & you threw a fit every morning before going with him. these days, all you do is wake up early & go for a short cycling ride on the hills. your knees don't hurt anymore & it's the only time when you can be honest to yourself, the only time you appreciate everything around you & find yourself at peace. you go to your mom & find posters of bands you haven't listened to in a long while. it's not like you don't like their music anymore, but that you grew out of it. you see history books on your table & remember how much you loathed the long lectures .however, your video playlist is full of historical information. you don't seem to understand what's happening because you told yourself a list of things you strongly believed in but what's happening is beyond your imagination. you can't seem to understand how you arent gardening anymore & how you have started spending so much time at the beach when you hated touching water & why you cook on Sundays just for the sake of it & why the movies that seemed too boring for you in the past are your favorites now because you have a deeper understanding of things.

All your life you thought that you knew yourself the best & then you find out that you never did. no one ever does. we know a part & we think it's who we are & what we are capable of but what we fail to realize is everything we are & everything that will be is temporary. we don't realize that there is soo much in us waiting to be explored, soo many aspects & phases of us waiting to be seen & known. as long as we live, we learn & change & grow. & time doesn't heal or fix things. It simply passes & you slowly move on in a way that it doesn't hurt you daily anymore. it hurts on a Friday night when you are alone in your living room & there's nothing good to watch but then slowly, you carry on & forget to live in your yesteryears simply because it is too heavy, simply because there are better things to look forward to-- things that will remind you that it's okay for you to be fine again, that you don't have to hold on to your grief & remind yourself repeatedly how much you have been hurt.

There are going to be things that will make you want to stay in your bed & eat good breakfast in cheap hotels, things that will demand you to learn a foreign language & work at a small rental shop in the city of your dreams. there will be things that will make you want to go to concerts & runs & find people who will genuinely care for you. you were afraid to be disappointed again, to let yourself down again but the thing is that as long as we live, we can't control what happens to us. what we can control is our choices & how we decide to live our lives despite it all. 

you told yourself that nothing ever changes & that we don't grow out of pain & love but as you grow up, you will realize that it's quite the opposite. nothing ever stays the same. & it is quite sad to know that because of the fact that things are temporary is the reason why we are afraid of life but its also the reason why we love soo much & why we try soo hard. in a sense, its comforting too, because whatever happens, someday it will not be familiar. maybe our hearts will be bruised & we will be a different person but we will arrive on the other end in one piece. & that will be more than enough because we will have a chance, an opportunity to love & grow again. & when we will eat some other dish at your mum's home five years from now& she will be surprised to see you appreciating something you disliked before, you will feel warm & realize that you are not stuck in one place. even it's small, even if it's in a way you cant recognize, you are still moving. & that it's all the matters...