"F.a.d.e.d"

 

you don't just lose someone once

you lose them when you close your eyes each night.

& as you open them each morning.

you lose them throughout the day.

an unused coffee cup.

an empty chair.

a pair of boots no longer there.

you lose them as the sunsets.

& darkness closes in.

you lose them as you wonder why.

staring at a star-lit sky.

you lose them on the big days.

anniversaries.

birthdays.

graduation.

holidays.

weddings.

& the regular days too.

& you lose them in the ordinary.

paperwork.

household chores.

routines took for granted.

you lose them in the familiar. 

a song they used to sing.

the secret of their cologne.

a slice of their favorite pie.

you lose them in the conversations you will never have.

& all the words unsaid.

you lose them in all the places they've been.

& all the places they longed to go.

you lose them as you pick up the broken pieces. 

& begin your life anew.

you lose them when you realise.

this is your new reality.

they are never coming back. 

no matter how much 

you miss them or 

need them.

no matter how hard you pray.

they are gone.

& you must go on.

ALONE.

You lose them as the season's change.

the snow blows.

the flowers blossom.

the grass grows.

the leaves fall.

you lose them again & again.

day after day.

month after month.

year after year.

time marches on, carrying them further & further away.

you lose them as your hair whitens & your body bends with age.

your memory fades.

& the details begin to blur.

their face stares back at you from a faded photograph.

someone you used to know.

you think you might have loved them once.

long ago.

back then.

when you were whole.

you don't just lose someone once.

you lose them every day.

over & over again.

for the rest of your life.