With patience things get better.

  I like the sound of our silence, the one in which you & I talk a lot but no words come out. sometimes, I wonder if this will lead to things being unsaid. but with time, I have learned that people will only understand what they want to, no matter what we try to say. You have held my hands through times I didn't know any better about myself & refused to give up. it makes me look back to the person I once was, the one who watched the last drop of tear drain merely from trying to get as much as a speck of care in places I didn't belong. for a person who has lost the fight from within, this silence is a welcome change to her chaos.  I know. it is a tough lesson to learn, to let my guard down, to allow myself to be vulnerable & feel in ways I have known hell through. & maybe, just maybe, there will come a day when that light of hope will start flickering in me again, showing the path to be liberated from the gripping fear of loss. when that day comes, I will find t...

I've got soo many days in my life when I cried so hard, I thought I won't ever get out of that phase alive---vision was blurry due to tears, I couldn't catch sight of the light at the end of the tunnel I was in; barely breathing & too exhausted to go. I even told myself that, that was it, the end of me. when people asked how I was doing that time, I just laughed, for words weren't enough to explain the situation--I just smiled & said I was doing fine, when in fact, I didn't know if they would see me the other day.  Today, I remembered one of those times & managed to laugh, not because what I have gone through was funny, but I can't believe that I am still here--kicking & breathing. my "who-would-have-thought" moment in life. I know, I still have days to face another sadness ahead of me, & I am aware that I will do those same things I had done before, for it is a cycle, really. I will get sad, will weep it all out thinking there woul...

  Dear diary,  I've stopped trying to get over them now. they did me wrong, they hurt my heart, they changed me as a person, but I can't find in me a capacity to hate them. Holding onto so much anger & resentment was only hurting my heart, so now, I'm letting go. I'm slowly accepting that there will be some people we just won't know how to unlove, & that's okay. but don't get me wrong, I'm not letting them back into my life, no. they've done enough damage, they don't deserve my time. what I am saying, however, is I'm going to let a piece of my heart love them from a distance. I'm grateful for the memories, I will always cherish them, but I'm not going back to them. ill just stay here, allow my heart to miss them sometimes, & then move on with my life again. they're no longer my destination, they're just a stop on the way.

  I am on the verge of unloving you. I have reasons piled up till my neck to leave you behind & not look back. but that's the thing about love, right? the more you let it go, the more it comes back. Yours is the kind of love that made me feel for the first time that it is here to stay. & before I could trust it enough & wrap my arms around it, I was way too far from the boundaries. That's when I realise maybe the right decisions are the ones that hurt the most.  You promised a life of happiness, not fully knowing the weight of those words for a person who is constantly running away from it.  If shit goes sideways, I may not fight for you the way you would for me. but I will choose to relieve all the memories of us, until when that's all I would have left. if there's one thing I know for sure, it is that you would move heaven & earth for me even if I didn't ask you for it. I remember how you looked into my eyes & said that we are meant to be. you ...